Friday, August 18, 2017

We didn't do it, part 1 [pictures]

We've shared several posts about how adding one cat to our household increased the drama exponentially (Always something, Always something, part 2, and Always something, part 3). Another difference? Now we have TWO cats who are completely innocent and perfect angels. No kitty does ANYTHING he/she shouldn't do. This post documents the times I walk into a room and see them together and I wonder what they're up to. Today's post is made up of sets of pictures. If you walked in to a room and saw the following scenarios ... what would you suspect is going on? I'll share my interpretation of these events on the blog next week.

Scene #1


Scene #2


Scene #3

Scene #4

Scene #5

Scene #6

Scene #7


Scene #8

Scene #9



Scene #10

Scene #11


Scene #12



Scene #13


Scene #14

Scene #15


Scene #16


Scene #17


Scene #18


Come back next week to read Momma's interpretations of the above scenes. We'd love if you'd share your thoughts on a couple scenes that really catch your eye!

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Always something, part 3

This post is the third in a series sharing the drama, frustration, nonsense, and yes, comedy, we now face daily as a two feline home. You may find the prior posts here: Always something and Always something, part 2.

BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Momma Kat


{Momma and The Boy are napping ... on a Saturday afternoon}
EM: PSST!
{Silence}
BC: You have to do it louder!

EM: PSSSSSSSST!
{Silence} 
{Both cats giggle}
BC: We want treats!
{Silence}
EM: Let me try! Let me try! I'm extra cute ... and we know my cute is persuasive. I mean, Momma DID adopt me. She fell in love with me the first time she saw me!
BC: WHAT?!?! I'M cute!
EM: I heard Momma say you're cute ...
BC: OBVIOUSLY!
EM: ... but a huge pain in her behind.
BC: Are you sure that wasn't a pain in her huge behind?
EM: Nope. She definitely said HUGE PAIN.
BC: WHAT?!?!

EM: I was about to ask you the same thing. I thought you said biting the humans' butts is hazardous and should only be used as a last resort. Like when you're sitting in Momma's desk chair ...
BC: You mean MY desk chair?
EM: ... and her doughnut butt is about to sit on you.
BC: You must mean MY desk chair.
EM: No, I'm pretty sure I don't.
BC: I'll have you know that I. AM. CUTE. REALLY REALLY REALLY cute! 
EM: If you find a round cat cute ... I suppose.
BC: That's IT! Stop calling me fat!
EM: Aren't you the one who's always saying Momma's fat because of her doughnut butt?
BC: But that's the TRUTH!
EM: The vet said ...
BC: I'm not missing any meals! He didn't say FAT!
EM: Hmmm ... we're starving!
BC: A lot of good saying THAT will do! They KNOW we're starving! I mean our kibble bowl is empty! How could they miss the glaring EMPTY?!?
EM: Which kibble bowl is empty?

BC: What do you mean WHICH kibble bowl?!?
EM: We have TWO bowls! My kibble bowl is full. Maybe Momma put you on a diet.
BC: WHAT?!?! Just keep insulting me ...
EM: I thought you said if it was the truth ...
BC: {sigh}. STOP LISTENING TO ME!!! You're fired.
EM: Stop listening to you before or after you fire me? Because it sounded like I shouldn't listen to you when you fire me.
BC: No, I meant ... YOU ... STOP USING MY WORDS AGAINST ME! You're FIRED!
EM: You can't FIRE me!
BC: You're no longer my sidekick.
EM: I was never your SIDEKICK. I'm a lean mean black kitty queen! Phht. You're just PRINCESS Buttercup.
BC: That's MALE Princess Buttercup BLACK BEAR CAT OF THE FOREST to YOU!
EM: But you're not a black cat. Or a bear. Or a buttercup. And you don't live in a forest.
BC: OH, SHUT UP!
EM: What are they doing?

BC: I don't know.
EM: They're not dead are they?
BC: We wouldn't be that lucky.
EM: HEY! I like them! Without them, we wouldn't have food or scooped litter boxes or loves.
BC: Without them, there'd also be no grabby hands, no "singing" or "dancing," and we'd never get in trouble!
EM: I NEVER get in troub ...
{Pause}
EM: Err ... mostly don't get in trouble. 
BC: No grabby hands, no "singing" or "dancing," and we'd never get in trouble!
EM: Well, when you put it THAT way ...
BC: PHHT. You know those humans ... LAZY! It's the MIDDLE of the afternoon! And when MY food bowl is empty!
EM: Actually, I think your bowl is ...
BC: WHO ASKED YOU?!?! I'm talking about our lazy humans!

MK: Says the cat who sleeps eighteen hours a day.
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! {bouncing off a wall} AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! {bouncing off a wall} AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  {ending up under the bed}.
EM: You run from your own shadow!
BC: {from under the bed} I thought they were incapacitated! 
EM: Why are you still under the bed then, Dumbbutts? 
BC: HEY! Are you saying I have more than one butt?
EM: Why else would you act like an ass all the time?
BC: HEY!
EM: Not to mention your ... err ... HEFTY size. Butts is more accurate.
BC: I told you ... STOP calling me fat!!! Why don't you pester Momma about her doughnut butt?
EM: You're always complaining ... but you have it pretty good, you know! 
BC: I don't comp ... err ... much.
EM: When Momma feeds you kibble, you complain that it's not real food - but when she only feeds you wet food, you throw a temper tantrum until she gives your kibble back.
BC: I don't remember ... 
EM: You complain about having to share Momma - but you bite her an awful lot.
BC: Grabby hands! That woman has grabby hands! And a doughnut butt! You'd think the two would find each other! Besides, I bite her because I LOVE her!

EM: I don't mind the grabby hands.
BC: Great. You three should get a room.
EM: And you have A LOT of really cool toys! You have a billion micey, and sparkle balls, and kicksticks, and the catnip banana, and a ton of other catnip toys, and two track toys, and wand toys ... I spend most of my day trying to decide what to play with! One whack here ... a little over there ...
BC: I'll give you a whac ...
MK: BEAR CAT KAT!
BC: I'm telling you ... she has eyes in the BACK of her head! She sees everything!!!
EM: She didn't see you earlier when you ...
BC: NUTS! LOTS of nuts!
MK: It's okay. I already know ab ...
BC: WHAT??!?! You KNOW?!?! How do you know?!?! That's just freaky!
EM: She really does have eyes in the back of her head.
BC: Who asked you?
EM: Doesn't make much difference to me ... I'm a good girl!
BC: Oh, SHUT UP!

*** LATER THAT DAY ***
EM: CHEESE! I love cheese. GIVE ME CHEESE! Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese!!!! Can I have some cheese?!?! Please?!?! PLEASE!?! I LOVE cheese!
MK: {putting cheese in front of Ellie} Here you go, Princess. 
BC: HEY! What am I?!?! Chopped liver? 

EM: OOOH! Did you say ... LIVER?!?! LIVER AND CHEESE?!?!? Where do I sign up!?!?!?
BC: Why don't I get cheese?!?!

MK: You don't like cheese!
BC: Yes, I do!
MK: Bear, I've been giving you bits of cheese for years and you always turn up your nose!
BC: I like it now!
MK: You see Ellie want it and so you do too?
BC: SO WHAT?!?! Fair is fair!

MK: {putting cheese in front of Bear} Here you go, Bear. {sigh} Next thing you know, you're going to want tea too.

BC: She got tee?!?! Would that make her ELLIE-ET? Like idiot?
MK: TEA! She jumped on The Boy's table and spilled some tea and then slurped it up. She'll eat anything!
BC: Phht. I have STANDARDS, you know!
EM: Says the cat who comes up behind me and licks my butt for no reason.
MK: She got you there. 
BC: WHO ASKED YOU?!?!? You two are picking on me! I'm being picked on by a doughnut sniffer and a Nipper!
EM: Hehehehe. I AM kind of a Nipper ... especially when it comes to my catnip banana. Hey! Are you eating that cheese? Because if you're not ...

BC: WHAT?!?!? OF COURSE, I'm eating the cheese!
EM: The early cat gets the cheese. Hahahahaha.
BC: That was cheesy!
EM: {walking away} {groan} Time for some kibble.

BC: Don't you DARE touch the food in MY bowl!
EM: So you admit that there IS food in your bowl?!?
BC: Don't touch it!
MK: Bear, you can share!
BC: No, I can't!
{Bear looks at the cheese ... Ellie walking down the hallway ... the cheese ... Ellie ... the cheese ... Ellie ...}
BC: RATS!
{Bear chases Ellie down the hall ... as Ellie flies back up the hall to Bear's cheese}
EM: SCORE!!! Won one for the Nipper!

*** THE NEXT DAY ***
{Ellie's walking around the house}
EM: Bear! BEAR?!?! Where are you?!?!
{Silence}
EM: BEAR?!?! 
{Silence}
EM: Come out! I want to play!!!
{Silence}
EM: Momma! Where's Bear?!?! I can't find him anywhere!

BC: {thinking to himself} Don't you DARE Momma! Don't you dare!
MK: I have no idea!
BC: {thinking to himself} Finally! She learned her lesson!
EM: Where's he hiding?!? He's not under the bed ... or on the cat tree ... or ... or ... something happened to him!
MK: He always shows up ... eventually.
EM: But what if he was abducted by the chickens? You know, Gary and Larry? Or maybe it was the tasty whole aliens?
BC: You mean the aliens, Gary and Larry, or tasty whole chickens? Get my conspiracy theories straight!

{Ellie runs toward the voice in the bedroom}
EM: AHA! You're on the bed!
BC: RATS!

EM: MOMMA! MOMMA! He's on the bed!!!
MK: Maybe you should ...
EM: Bear! Let's play!!! Let's play!!!
BC: You go ahead! I'll be out there in a few minutes.
MK: Uh oh. At least they trick each other roughly equally.
EM: YAY! I'll wait for you in the family room!
{Ellie waits on the couch for ten minutes for Bear to come out}
EM: BEAR?!?! You said a few minutes!
{Ellie runs to the bedroom to find the bed empty}
EM: Where'd he go?!? He promised we'd play! BEAR? BEAR!?!?! I want to play!
{Silence}
MK: Ellie? {trying to distract her} Do you want some loves?
EM: Yeah!!!
{Momma picks Ellie up}
EM: I love you, Momma! You're the best Momma EVER!!! PUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRR. This is DEFINITELY better than playing with Bear!!!

BC: {from his hiding spot} I heard that!
EM: BEAR!
{Pause}
EM: A TASTY WHOLE CHICKEN!!! Momma! Momma! You got me a tasty whole chicken!
MK: Uh oh.
BC: {from his hiding spot} WHAT?!?!?! I want a tasty whole chicken!!!
{Ellie runs toward the voice in the bedroom closet}
EM: AHA! You're in the closet!
BC: RATS!
EM: BEAR! Come out of the closet!  It's okay! We'll still love you!
{Momma tries to stifle a chuckle}
EM: Come on, Bear! Come out of the closet! No one's going to hurt you for coming out of the closet!
The Boy: It's about time he came out of the closet.
BC: Who asked you?
EM: Bear! Let's play! Let's play! 
BC: How about we play hide and seek and I hide first?
MK: Bear ...
EM: Okay! I'm going to go count in my room!
BC: {as he jumps in the window} Don't forget to close your eyes!
EM: One ... two ... three ... nine ... ten! Here I come!

BC: {thinking to himself from the window sill} Not ENTIRELY fair to skip some numbers ... 
EM: Bear! Where are you?!?! Hmmm. Not in the closet ... or under the bed ... or in the cat tree ... OOH! BANANA!!!! You are all mine, my precious! ARGGG!
{Ellie flops down on the banana}
BC: {to himself} She's lucky all I want is peace and quiet. If she finked out of a game of hide and seek while I was hiding, there'd be trouble to pay! Catnip banana ... small price to pay for nap time! 
{Pause}
BC: Whew! I FINALLY kept my mouth shut! That’s one small step in terms of a shut mouth for me, one giant leap for dealing with my annoying sister. One hiding spot remains secured. 

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