Friday, March 24, 2017

Like this ...

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Like this ... :
BC: Do I smell {sniff sniff} FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD?
{Pause}
BC: I DO! I DO!!! I SMELL FOOOOOOD!

{Bear looks one way and then the other}
MK: BEAR!
BC: RATS! You weren't looking in this direction! You weren't even in the SAME ROOM as me! How did you know what I'm doing?
MK: Get down!
BC: La de da de da ...
MK: GET DOWN!
BC: But ... but ... FOOD!
MK: That's The Boy's food!
BC: Even better! If you let me have some, it's only him that's missing out. I promise to leave your food alone if you let me have some of his. And I won't tell him about your liberties with his food.
MK: I've fallen for all those promises more than once, Bear.
BC: HEY! It's not my fault you're stupid and gullible! What cat wouldn't take advantage of that?
MK: A cat that is stupid enough to call the person he's begging food off of stupid. 
BC: RATS! Which reminds me ... I've been meaning to ask you ... can we keep The Boy?
MK: WHAT?!? Did you eat rotten food? Hit your head on something?
BC: Phht. You jest. But it's very simple ... since The Boy moved in, the quantity AND quality of food around here has increased exponentially. You cook him all kinds of yummy foods that you didn't cook for just yourself. Like CHICKEN!
MK: Bear, you've done nothing but complain about The Boy since he moved in.
BC: RATS! If he leaves, you could get your revenge by letting me eat his dinner ... before he leaves! OBVIOUSLY, he doesn't matter.
MK: BEAR! He mattered when you wanted chicken last night.

BC: I got SCREWED! I got a teeny tiny piece of chicken!!! It took me ten minutes to even find it on the floor after The Boy dropped it!
MK: Bear ...
BC: And to be honest, it didn't even taste like chicken so I think The Boy faked me out and didn't really drop chicken for me. I bet it was crumbs from breakfast!
MK: HEY! That's MY cooking! I cooked the chicken ... so you better believe that it tasted like chicken.
BC: Phht. At least he was nice enough to give me some ... unlike SOME Mommas around here.
MK: I thought you said he didn't really give you chicken.
BC: He didn't!
MK: Then he's no better than SOME Mommas who wouldn't give you chicken anyway.
BC: EXACTLY!
{Pause}
BC: Err ... NO!
{Pause}
BC: Err ... maybe? What was the question again?
MK: Never mind.
BC: The Boy gave me a french fry last week!

MK: WHAT?!?! I told him NOT to!
BC: I think you should ground him.
MK: What are you talking about?
BC: You ground me when I give myself food! It only seems fair that HE'D be grounded for giving me food.
MK: No. I ground you when you STEAL food. You can't give yourself what isn't yours to begin with.
BC: Let me tell you ... the first couple weeks The Boy was here were perfect! That half-wit left tons of food sitting out and I was nice enough to clean it up for him. Now he knows my tricks almost as well as you do!
MK: I told him not to give you anything without asking me first.
BC: Clearly he doesn't listen to you. Not that I'd blame him because I don't listen to you either! By the way ... I like french fries.
MK: What?
BC: Wait a ... you weren't listening to me!
MK: I'm sorry ... did you say something?
BC: I hate you!
The Boy: {walking into the room} What's going on here?
MK: You gave him a french fry?
The Boy: Ummmm ...
BC: I'm being a sweet and innocent kitty cat and Momma is being mean to me!
The Boy: She wouldn't let you have any of my dinner?
BC: I HATE YOU TOO! Mr. Know-it-all.
The Boy: Pot ... meet kettle.
BC: I'm not a pot! YOU'RE a pot!!!
The Boy: What?
BC: You called me a pot! I'm assuming you mean it as some kind of stupid human insult that I can't understand because of my superior intellect.
The Boy: No. That's a saying. You called me a know-it-all ... but you think YOU know it all.
BC: I DO know it all!
The Boy: I think your Momma has the right idea about closing herself in the closet when you get like this ... you're impossible.
BC: Like this? Like THIS?!?!?! Let me tell YOU! ***THIS*** is prime, super fancy, grade A plus, CAT. Clearly, not all humans can handle my awesome fabulous-ness. But don't expect me to be LESS fabulous just because you can't handle the entire repertoire of my fabulous-ness.
{Pause}
BC: Wait ... might my impossibility and over-personality cause you to leave? Because that would be pretty cool.
The Boy: No.
BC: RATS! I'd  love to tell everyone I got rid of you ... 
The Boy: Great.
BC: If you left, I'd be out noms, but I'd get my my table back! I miss annoying Momma by staring at her while sitting less than a foot away from where she's working. WHOA!!! And my window?!?! No more computer equipment blocking the way? 
{Bear Cat pictures how things SHOULD (and used to) be ... and how much The Boy shook things up}
Bear pictures how it SHOULD be ...
Bear pictures Momma's Boy-induced insanity {Bear Cat loses his table and window} ...

BC: HOLY CAT CRAP ON A CRACKER! I'd have my Momma all to myself again!
The Boy: {sigh}.
BC: Are you still here? You haven't left yet?
The Boy: Nope.
BC: The only drawback other than fewer tasty noms is that I would have to deal with a grabby sobbing Momma again. Impromptu snuggles up the WAZOO! Hmmm ... if Momma starts crying, you'll be in BIG troub ...
{Pause}
BC: Wait a {Bear runs from the family room where he was talking to The Boy, into the kitchen where Momma is making her dinner} ... FISHY!
MK: Uh oh.
BC: Do you have fishy? That DEFINITELY smells like fishy!

MK: OFF the counter! You're in the way.
BC: Make m ... HEY! PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW! Bear abuse! Momma's trying to kill me and ...
{Pause}
BC: Yep. Definitely fishy. Where are you going with that?
MK: To eat it!
{The Boy busts out laughing as he watches Bear Cat follow Momma to and from the kitchen as she brings her meal to the table over the course of a couple trips}
The Boy: He's ridiculous!
BC: HEY! Fishy is NEVER ridiculous!
The Boy: You know she's not going to give you any! She never does. And you're following her back and forth on her heels! I've never seen anything so ... RIDICULOUS.
BC: Then I guess you haven't looked in the mirror recently.
The Boy: I look this way only because you act like you want me to pet you and then you attack me.
BC: Phht. That's not what I was talking about. I didn't do THAT to your face. Besides, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
The Boy: Like how you always beg your Momma for some of her food even though she never gives you any?
BC: Phht. I don't need her food anymore. I have a half-wit that gives me some food when I look cute and as if I'm starving. But that reminds me ... you really should have more fishy and more chicken. This Chinese stuff is crap. And no more salads!
The Boy: I'm not going to choose my meals based on what you want a bite of.
BC: I told my Momma that you're selfish! It's always about YOU! 
{Bear noses around Momma's plate as she goes back to the kitchen to grab something else}
The Boy: BEAR! Get down! That food isn't for you! And I know you were talking to me to distract me from watching that you stay out of your Momma's food. If she comes back and any of it is missing, I'll be in big trouble!
BC: As if. If you're in the doghouse, that counts as you moving out!
The Boy: GET DOWN!!!! Get your nose out of her food! BEAR! DOWN!
BC: Get down? Have you seen my MOVES? I'm getting DOWN with the hip and nip you dip! Listen to my lip and take a tip ... when I get down, the house will rip.
The Boy: WHAT?!?
BC: Just sayin'.
The Boy: I have no idea what all that even means!
BC: I'm so nipped and hipped, I require a nap. If you manage to filch some of Momma's fishy, let me know. Ooooh! Also wake me up if it looks like you're headed to the doghouse ... I could use some entertainment around here.
{Bear jumps up on his cat tree and settles in to take a nap ... thirty minutes pass ... Momma gets out the supplies for Bear's beauty routine and climbs on the arm of the loveseat to reach Bear on the top perch}

The Boy: HONEY!!!!
MK: What?
The Boy: GET DOWN!
MK: What?
The Boy: You're going to hurt yourself like that! Don't climb on the arm of the loveseat and reach out to grab a cat on the top perch - when you know he is going to squirm and fight you with fangs and claws!
MK: It's fine! I do this all the time.
The Boy: GET DOWN!
BC: Hahahahahaha. Now you know what it feels like, Momma! Think about THAT before you yell at me to get down again!
MK: Maybe. But unlike The Boy seeing me just now, I see you misbehaving even when I can't see you. 
BC: I HATE YOU!

Featured posts of the day:

Monday, March 20, 2017

Best cat

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat

Daily conversation - Best cat:
MK: I have some good news. You'll NEVER believe the news!
BC: Is The Boy leaving?

MK: No.
BC: Am I getting a tasty whole chicken farm?

MK: No.
BC: Did my favorite tortie call?

MK: What are you ...
BC: How about my second favorite tortie? A VERY, VERY, VERY CLOSE second, I might add. Did she call?

MK: NO!
BC: Did ANY tortie call?
MK: No.
BC: Then the news can't be THAT good!

MK: {sigh} Maybe let me finish?
BC: Spit it out, woman!

MK: We were named a finalist in the BlogPaws Nose-to-nose awards for Best Cat ...
BC: OBVIOUSLY! And you said I wouldn't believe the news!

MK: What?
BC: What do you think it is about me that caught the judges' attention? My sexy? My handsomeness? My wit and sarcasm? BEST CAT?!?! OBVIOUSLY!

MK: Bear ...
BC: Yeah, you're right! ALL OF THE ABOVE! What's this "we" nonsense? I'M the BEST CAT!

MK: Our BLOG was named ...
BC: I'm a star! I have a public! And people! And surely THIS award comes with a tiara!
MK: Bear ....
BC: I NEED TO PRACTICE!

MK: What?
BC: My "I'm too sexy" routine! Hold my calls. I'm busy. Well, unless my favorite tortie calls. Actually, make that any tortie. Torties are HOT.
MK: Where are you ...
BC: {on the bathroom counter} DO YOU MIND?!?! I'd like some privacy in here! 
MK: Like you give me privacy in the bathroom?
BC: You can hardly tell I'm there! You won't stop talking!
MK: WHAT? You try to jump on my lap while I'm using the bathroom!
BC: You know, MOST people ... no, EVERYONE BUT YOU, would take it as a compliment that the Best Cat in the World wants to be petted by them. Now CLOSE. THE. DOOR. I'm BUSY and I don't want to be disturbed.
MK: BEAR! Our BLOG was named ...
BC: SEE?!?! Talk-y talk-y! 

MK: I've barely gotten a word in ...
BC: Blah blah blah blah blah!
MK: {sigh}.
{Momma closes the door}
{Pause}
BC: {prancing back and forth in front of the bathroom mirror}
I'm too sexy for my house,
Too sexy for my house,
Don't you think so, my little mouse? 

{Pause}
BC: I'm a handsome kitty, you know what I mean,
And I shake my little tail on the catwalk,
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah,
I shake my little tail on the catwalk.
{Pause}

BC: I'm too sexy for my fur,
Too sexy for my fur,
Just listen to me PURRRRRR.

{Pause}
BC: I'm too sexy for my mom, 
Too sexy for my mom,
Ain't I just the mother-meowing bomb! 

{Pause}
BC: I'm a handsome kitty, you know what I mean, 
And I shake my cute little butt on the catwalk,
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I shake my cute little butt on the catwalk. 

{Pause}
BC: I'm too sexy for my teeth, 
Too sexy for my teeth,
You can't imagine the unbearable pain they bequeath!

{Pause}
BC: I'm too sexy for my claws, 
Too sexy for my claws,
And too sexy even for my adorable paws! 

{Pause}
BC: I'm a handsome kitty, you know what I mean, 
And I shake my little tail on the catwalk,
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah
I shake my little tail on the catwalk. 

{Pause}
BC: I'm too sexy for my tail, 
Too sexy for my tail,
You can't measure my pounds of sexy on any scale!

{Pause}
BC: Momma! MOMMA! MooooooooooooooooooooMMMMMMAAAA! It's an emergency! HEEELLLLLLLLLP!
MK: What? {opening the bathroom door}. What's wrong, Bear?
BC: I was trapped in here! I saw my lives flash before me! I thought I'd never see you again!

MK: You told me to close the door.
BC: Oh, sure. If someone told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?
MK: Just when I though this conversation couldn't get any more ridiculous.
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... RATS! I thought I'd never see you again ... and I ensured that I did see you again! What am I THINKING?!?!?
MK: I ask myself that all the time.
BC: Haha. It's time for the audience. 
MK: What?
BC: I must practice IN FRONT of an audience. Assemble my fans.
MK: Yep. Even more ridiculous.
BC: Mince mince, Momma!
MK: How many times do I have to remind you that it's chop chop?
BC: Stupid human expressions.
MK: Yet you use them.
BC: I didn't ask you.
MK: {sigh}.
BC: I'm ready for my audience. 
MK: Yeah, yeah. Let me grab a few toys.

BC: Fans.
MK: Semantics.
BC: Don't rub it in.
{Momma lines the "fans" up in the doorway of the bathroom}.

BC: {AHEM!} 
MK: What now?
BC: The ceremony rehearsal is sold out. You need to leave. Well, unless you have a tasty whole chicken farm to exchange for watching the greatest show on Earth.
MK: This is getting more ridiculous by the second!
BC: The audience is booing you for delaying the rehearsal.

MK: Okay. Okay.
BC: {AHEM!} 
{Bear performs his act one more time in front of the audience while Momma tries to tune it out}.
BC: HEEEEEEEE-Y! Are you enjoying the show? I. CAN'T. HEAR. YOU?!?! Are you enjoying the show?
MK: {mumbling to herself} Yeah ... can't hear them ... because toys don't TALK ...
{Pause}
BC: It's an honor for you that I stand before you today to accept this award. I've worked hard to get to where I am ... and you're welcome.
{Momma snickers from the other room}.
BC: I'd like to praise cats everywhere for being such wonderful creatures. I'd like to thank myself for being THIS fabulous. And I'd like to thank the one thing that's always loved me and supported me. She's never left my side and has fought my battles as her own.
{Momma lets out an "AWWWWWWWW."}
BC: Let me introduce you to my string! Isn't she amazing?

MK: {mumbling to herself} Why am I surprised? I swear ...
{Bear continues and Momma drowns him out ... fifteen minutes pass}
BC: Momma! MOMMA! MooooooooooooooooooooMMMMMMAAAA!
{Silence}
MK: {opening the bathroom door} You're being ridiculous.
BC: I just demand the proper respect. I'm the Best Cat now so DEAL WITH IT.
MK: The BLOG. Best Cat BLOG.
BC: WHAT?!?!?!?!
MK: We're finalists for BEST CAT BLOG.

BC: But I'm the star!
MK: I'm sorry ... whose name is first on our blog?
BC: MINE!
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... Momm ...
{Pause}
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... you told me our names were in alphabetical order! 
MK: Uh oh.
BC: You told me 'M' comes before 'B' in the alphabet!

MK: It's a nice day outside, isn't it?
BC: If 'M' doesn't really come before 'B' in the alphabet, it ain't gonna be a nice day for you anytime soon.
MK: A ... M ... C ... D ... E ... F ... G ... H ... I ... J ... K ... L ... B ...
BC: That doesn't sound right! Wait a ...

{Pause}
BC: YOU LIED!

MK: Uh oh.
BC: What ELSE have you lied to me about?
MK: Bear ...
BC: Am I REALLY a cat?
MK: As if that was ever really in doubt.
BC: True. Is YOUR name really 'Kat' or did you make that up?
MK: Bear, you hear people calling me Kat ... that's the name I write on things ...
BC: {GASP} You're not a HER!
MK: Excuse me?
BC: You lied about being a HER! That explains so much! Momma Kat and HER Bear Cat. RIIIIIIIIIGHT. You're a BOY!
MK: Oh for the love of ...
BC: Does The Boy know?
MK: What are you ...
BC: HEY! YOU! NOT my real Mom!
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... you aren't my real Mom, right? Or did you lie about that too? Because if we share DNA, I'll be irreparably traumatized.

MK: Why?
BC: You're inferior.
MK: Right. You could learn a little humility. 
BC: Humility? Don't you do that to me enough? And that doesn't even include the kisses in PUBLIC! Or you sharing the details of my misfortunes on the blog.

MK: Misfortunes? More like misADVENTURES. Or lack of intelligence. 
BC: FINALLY! You see what I have to put up with! As I said, inferior ... lack of intelligence.
MK: I wasn't talking about me. Bear, we're only FINALISTS. The other finalists are just as wonderful as we are.
BC: I am.
MK: WHATEVER! I'm just thankful to be named along side A Tonk's Tale, Three Chatty Cats, and Noir Kitty Mews ... it's such a compliment and an honor to be named among the bloggers I admire most.
BC: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I'm a cat.
MK: Yes.
BC: Cats aren't humble.
MK: True.
BC: Truth in advertising. If I were humble, this wouldn't be a cat blog ... thus no chance of being a finalist.
MK: Touche.
BC: Too SOMETHING.
MK: Right. Too SOMETHING. If your head gets any bigger, I'll have to move out.
BC: REALLY?!?!? That would be ... WONDERFUL!
MK: I wasn't being serious.
BC: RATS! Does that mean I'm stuck with The Boy too?
MK: Yep.
BC: RATS!!!

Featured posts of the day:

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Pet Blogger Showcase 03/18/2017

Twice a month, Bear and I co-host a Pet Blogger Linky Party along with co-hosts PetFavesHeart Like A Dog, and Felines Opines. If you missed the last Pet Blogger Showcase, you can view it here: Pet Blogger Showcase 03/04/2017; past weeks as a co-host ... Pet Blogger Showcase 10/01/2016Pet Blogger Showcase 10/15/2016Pet Blogger Showcase 11/05/2016Pet Blogger Showcase 11/19/2016Pet Blogger Showcase 12/03/2016Pet Blogger Showcase 01/07/2017Pet Blogger Showcase 01/21/2017, Pet Blogger Showcase 02/04/2017Pet Blogger Showcase 02/18/2017.

Why do Bear and I like blog hops and linky parties? 
  • We've met so many incredible new friends we'd never find otherwise. For the majority of blogs Bear and I visit on a regular basis, probably eighty percent of them or more we found through participating in blog hops.
  • With the variety of blogs that participate, there's so much to learn for those of us who can never know enough. Not to mention that there are a lot of touching, fascinating, or otherwise unique stories to be told outside of one's "niche."
  • They are great ways to build relationships within the blogging community. When Momma recently went through a tough time emotionally, our blogging friends were our best supports. So building relationships with other bloggers isn't just about increasing readership, but also connecting in meaningful ways that can often be lost behind a computer screen.
If you join our Party, please link to a specific post from your blog instead of to your blog's homepage. Since each co-host chooses three posts from the last Party to feature each week - you increase your chances of being chosen by giving us a specific post and not the more general homepage.

In keeping with the tradition of this particular linky party, my three favorite link ups from the last Showcase follow. A note on the last Showcase ... Bear and I were ecstatic at how many link ups we had last time!!! Especially with the great showing of felines! THANK YOU to everyone/everycat/everydog who linked up ... the Showcase is made better by each and every friend who joins.

*** March is Poison Prevention Month - I Love My Chi ***

Bear Cat has had several close calls with toxic substances ... once eating a glob of onion dip and another time eating an entire azalea plant.  At the time, I had no idea either was toxic. Now I don't bring anything into the house without checking. And nothing gets left out - even for the few seconds it takes to answer the phone. All it takes is a few seconds and the consequences can be dire. The lists provided in this post applies to dogs ... so our feline friends might want to reference our favorite source of information on toxic substances at the ASPCA: Animal Poison Control.

*** Sophie Jumps! - Kitty Cat Chronicles ***

Momma Kat and Bear Cat are both determined and stubborn ... we don't give up easily and because of that, we often accomplish things most people say we can't. That said, we admire perseverance and determination in others - and cheer when they accomplish whatever is in their hearts. This post shares Sophie's journey to learn to jump with cerebellar hypoplasia. In the included video ... she totally NAILS it! Her jump gets an 11 out of 10, paws down! YAY! And congratulations, Sophie!

*** Sunday Selfies - Purrseidon and Pet Blogger Showcase - 15 and Meowing ***
This time we decided to choose a featured post based solely on pictures ... and these two blogs tied; both blogs are among our favorites and are must-reads for us. Purrseidon is a feline who can't enough of water and her brofur, Mr. M, loves science and astronomy - just like Momma Kat. We love these two kitties because we're always learning something and Purr and Mr. M are gorgeous (our faves? Purr's green eyes and Mr. M's floofy tail). Phoebe is one of the cats among the clowder at 15 and Meowing. Phoebe loves to provide feedback on her siblings, her Mom Ellen, and life in general. And who could resist that face? 

*** Shelter Cats and Animal Shelter Volunteer Life ***

Wait! Wait! One ... no TWO more!!! We're counting this as a chosen ORGANIZATION ... though the blogs themselves are amazing and WELL WORTH your visit. For as long as I cohost, I will praise and raise awareness for PAWS, an incredible rescue in Norwalk, Connecticut that I've come to admire and wholeheartedly support. We LOVE these two blogs because of their upbeat attitude and because they do a phenomenal job of sharing this particular rescue - and the cats available for adoption there. PAWS offers a lot of great programs including a "pension plan" for senior pets up for adoption. We encourage our readers to visit these two blogs, check out the amazing animals up for adoption on PAWS' website, and support rescue efforts at PAWS and locally.

*********************************************************************************


Welcome to the Pet Blogger Showcase! This is the place for you to show off your favorite family friendly pet related posts, find other great posts to read, show some love to other bloggers and maybe be featured on one of the host blogs!

Meet the Hosts Behind the Showcase

PetFaves- Living the pet lover lifestyle

Heart Like A Dog- The good, the bad, and the Oh My God of living with dogs

Felines Opines- The world from a feline point of view

Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat- The humorous and touching tales of a formerly homeless, yet always extraordinary, feline and his Momma, who's just along for the ride.

About the Pet Blogger Showcase

Twice a month, On the 1st and 3rd Saturday of the month, you have the chance to link up one of your blog posts to the linky party link-up. Then visit 3 other blogs that joined the party and leave a meaningful comment. Feel free to share with your followers on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, etc. Then each week the hosts will feature their favorite 3 posts from the previous Linky Party on the new party post.

Pet Blogger Showcase Rules

1.    Share a pet specific post, past or present, from your blog in the linky below. Family friendly posts only. (We love reading about other topics and niches, but posts that are not pet related will be deleted this includes any posts that don’t mention pets even if they are on a pet blog or if the post could pertain to pets.)
2.    Spread the Love! Leave a quality comment(more than just a few words) on at least 3 other posts from the linky party. Tell them why you love their post, encourage them, share on social media.
3.    Check back for the next linky party to see if you are featured on one of the hosts’ blogs.

*Note: By adding your post to the linky party you are giving the hosts permission to use an image from your post if your post will be a featured post on their blog to help encourage people to click through to your post. The image may be used individually or as a collage.

ALSO ... please link to a specific post from your blog instead of to your blog's homepage. Since each co-host chooses three posts from the last Party to feature each week - you increase your chances of being chosen by giving us a specific post and not the more general homepage.

That’s it! No need to RSVP. No need to bring a covered dish. No need to add the linky to your post. No need to include a button. Just come join the party and PAWTY ON

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Giggles

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat

Daily conversation - Giggles:
MK: I see that! Knock it off you two!
The Boy: Wait ... what?!?! We're not doing anything! 
MK: I'd believe that if I didn't see you two huddled together and giggling.
BC: I TOLD you she has eyes in the back of her head! Pay up.

The Boy: That's anatomically impossible! She's not even looking at us! And I don't giggle!
BC: Wanna bet, Giggles?

{Pause}
The Boy: You're killing me, Bear. I'm going broke because of our bets.
BC: You should listen to me then! Or just cut out the middle man and buy me a tasty whole chicken farm!
{Pause}
BC: Wait ... if you're broke, you won't be able to live here anymore, right? Because I can definitely make that happen!
The Boy: Isn't it kind of creepy that she knows what we're doing behind her back?
BC: Nah. You get used to it after awhile. 

The Boy: But HOW?
BC: You forget that for eleven years I've kept my Momma on her toes with my adventures and misfortunes; now she usually knows what I'm going to do BEFORE I do it! She knows all my tricks. All she has to do is LOOK at me to know what I've done, what I'm doing, and what I'm about to do. It really sucks because I don't get away with much anymore. She just KNOWS. Besides, being quiet for more than a few minutes always tips her off. Giggling tips her off too. Her hearing is also first rate ... just try and barf without her hearing it.
The Boy: I don't want to have another barfing contest.
BC: Still upset about the last one?
The Boy: That set me back twenty bucks!
BC: A bit overconfident, are we?
The Boy: Well, I won the p ... pee ... well, you know what contest I mean. I'm starting to think you're a hustler because that's the only bet I've won.
BC: I'm so glad you live here! My tasty whole chicken farm is suddenly within my grasp!
The Boy: You just say that because of all the money you're making and because you blame me for the things you do. You usually don't let me touch you.
BC: Why would I let you touch me? You smell funny! 
The Boy: I do not!
BC: Whatever. 
The Boy: But when you DO let me touch you, you purr and snuggle with me!
BC: Phht. I snuggle with my Momma and you just get in the way.  I'm stuck with you by association.

The Boy: Neither of us is going to be snuggling with her for awhile if we can't figure out how to get away with things around here.
BC: {loud enough so Momma hears} I WON'T PARTICIPATE IN YOUR TROUBLE-MAKING. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW TO GET AWAY WITH THINGS AROUND HERE ... DON'T DO THEM!
The Boy: You set me up again!
BC: {talking quietly} In terms of blame, the potential for paybacks sucks infinitely more for you. I'll get my food and loves no matter what! All I have to do is be myself. Being YOURSELF just gets you in trouble!
The Boy: Actually, being ourselves gets BOTH of us in trouble. I just haven't figured out how to use my assets to get out of trouble like you do.
BC: Assets? You have ASSETS?!?!? Time to make more bets!
The Boy: I'm not too bad at ear rubs, am I? That's an asset.
BC: Your ass isn't allowed to touch any part of me ... including my ears! Just keep it in your pants please.
The Boy: No! I was talking about ear rubs with my hands.
BC: Oooh. Good point. Pet me, Dad ... Dad ... Daddy ... PET ME.
MK: Uh oh.
BC: RATS!

The Boy: {frozen in silence} ...
BC: I HATE YOU!
MK: Bear ...
BC: I hate you too!!! This is all your fault for bringing The Boy into my house!
MK: I thought you two were forming an alliance!
BC: We're negotiating that but we still have some details to work out. Like my use of claws and fangs. And his purchase of a tasty whole chicken farm. Details ... details. And now that I know he has assets he didn't disclose ...
{Pause}
BC: DADDY! Sheesh. HCHAAAAACK. CHK CHK HHHHHHHHHCCCCCCCKKK! 
The Boy: Awww ... you left me a present!
BC: Yeah. A PRESENT. That's exactly what that is. Be glad my aim was off.
The Boy: OFF? Another bet?
BC: You should create a suggestion box for yourself.
The Boy: Why? What would you suggest?
BC: GO AWAY!

The Boy: But you jumped in my lap and let me pet you! Well, until you heard your Momma turn the camera on.
BC: If there's no picture, it didn't happen! I'm starting to think the bits of chicken The Boy shared with me were tainted! Yep. I'm FEVER-ISH. That's why I jumped on his lap. I didn't know what I was doing. 
MK: The Boy gave you chicken?
The Boy: Uh oh.
BC: DUDE! He tampered with my chicken!! You just don't mess with a bro's chicken!
The Boy: You should've kept it a secret. Bros before hoes.
BC: Did you just call my Momma a ....

The Boy: Uh oh. I was speaking figuratively. No! Metaphorically. No. You know what I meant! 
BC: Ummmmm .... SOMEBOY's in TROUBLE! 
The Boy: No more chicken behind your Momma's back! 
BC: WHAT?!?! 
MK: Well, I'm glad you at least like The Boy.
BC: "Like" is too strong a word ... we're still in testing mode. He doesn't have possession of the ball yet. The bases are WAY off the menu.
The Boy: BASES?!?
BC: Whatever.
The Boy: Bases are from baseball. Possession of the ball is football or basketball.
BC: See? You're good for something. We need a man cave. 
The Boy: You're the one with the money now.
BC: Good point. Who needs a man cave when he has a tasty whole chicken farm. And no, I'm not sharing!
MK: BEAR! 
BC: RATS!

MK: Put those claws away!
The Boy: WHAT?!?!
MK: He was trying to distract you with inane chatter and then attack you.
BC: SEE?!?!? She knows what I'm going to do before I even do it!
MK: Not bad for the 'hoes' contingent, huh? You wouldn't last fifteen minutes on your own with him.
The Boy: WHOA. How did you ...
MK: A lifetime on the wrong end of his claws.
BC: And now he understands why you can't sleep!
The Boy: Hahahaha. Wait a ... you're kidding, right? Honey? HONEY?!?! BEAR?

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